A Mother's Degree is Not Wasted in the Home

I have a lot of opinions on different parenting styles that do not wish to discuss, but there is one parenting style that really clicked for me personally when we talked about it in my class a couple weeks ago. The question that was asked was "If a stay at home mother has a degree, is it wasted?". The reason why this interested me so much was because of the fact that my mother was a stay-at-home mother while also getting her degree. She had gone to college for I believe it was somewhere around a year before she pregnant with me. She went to live with my grandmother and aunt at that point. While she was pregnant with me, she met who was later going to be my stepfather. During their time together they had my brother and sister and my stepfather made it clear that my mother needed to stay at home. I am not sure if it was before or after they divorced that my mother received her degree from the University of Redlands. I remember being very young and watching my mother from the crowd of thousands receiving the degree she had been working on for years. After my stepfather left, my mother had very little to work with and it was very hard for us for a very long time. My siblings and I grew up knowing that we were expected to go to college, my mother ingrained it in us since birth. Not only did we see the struggle, but we saw how a degree could contribute to a household. My mother is extremely intelligent. When she was a stay-at-home mother, she handled all of the finances. She learn much of that from what schooling she had at the time. On top of that, my mother's love and pursuit in science facilitated my interest in science to go way beyond what it would have if she hadn't had that schooling. When I was in elementary school I participated in every science fair and I got first place in all, but one of them. This influence that my mother had on me was because she had a degree and she knew how important it is to have one; both to be able teach your children and in case something happens to your husband. Many people believe that when a woman with a degree decides to stay at home with her children that all of those years and that money spent on a degree are going to go to waste. This is completely wrong. There are so many things that can benefit a household if that mother has a degree of any kind. Mothers and fathers are there to teach their children, and a stay-at-home mother who has a degree is such a wonderful example to her children. I grew up with a mother that had a degree and used it to her advantage while raising her children. Both of my siblings and I are very successful. My brother got accepted into multiple universities and now goes to MIT. My sister is a straight A AP student in high school headed towards college. And I got into 9 schools and decided to come to BYU-Idaho. I have such a strong testimony that a mother having a degree is a blessing not only to her, but her family and I am striving to finish my degree before I have children so that I can have that same influence on them.

Where is Daddy?

One of the topics we have been discussing in my class is fatherhood and how it impacts the family as a whole. I personally have a very complicated situation when it comes to fatherhood and I see from first-hand experience how important a father in a family is. I wrote a paper on this topic and would like to share a piece of it:

"The first point I would like to mention, that is mentioned in many if not all of the articles I read, is the importance of fathers in their daughters lives. Many females, including myself, understand the huge impact that a father or a lack of one has on our lives. A father is the first man she will ever know. What I mean by that is, her father, if he is present, is the first man she will ever truly put her trust and love in. From the time of birth she sees him as her protector, someone she loves, and someone who will always be there to catch her when she falls. When the father of the family is present and has an active role in his daughter’s life, she has that security and she knows exactly how a man should act as a father. When the father is not present in the family for whatever reason or is present, but isn’t an active father, it could result in many problems. The most recurrent problem is that their daughters are going to innately believe that is exactly how every man is and base her future husband on that very fact. I have a fear of my husband leaving me because that is exactly what I am used to men doing in my life. Daughters base their future love life off of what whether it is conscious or unconscious.

                Secondly, a man has a huge influence on their sons just as much as their daughters. For sons, the father is also the first man in their lives. Unlike daughters, sons look up to their fathers as role models for themselves rather than a future spouse like the daughters do. A father serves as that male figure for the sons to reflect off of when they become fathers themselves. If the father is a present and active part in their life, a son has a better chance of becoming a good husband and father in the future than those who don’t have that growing up. When sons do not have an active and/or present father, they have a higher chance of having emotional problems which can lead to a life of violence in either in their own personal lives and families or out in society. A father plays just as an important role in their sons’ lives as they do their daughters.

                A third point that many articles have mentioned is that a father reminds them that they are loved and confirms what an active and loving mother says and projects to her children. Mothers are known for being the nurturers of the family, but a father plays a huge role in this too. Many people think that the man of the house does not have as equal impact with this as the woman of the house does. This misconception is extremely wrong. Children who have both parents constantly expressing their love turn out much better than those who do not have this. Along with constantly showing love, fathers also somewhat helps his children validate themselves as individuals. What I mean by this is that by having both parents active in the household the children feel whole and it is much easier for them to find themselves in a secure environment. Children who have a father who is not present feel as though something is missing and it is much harder for them to develop a sense of identity because of that missing part of their lives. These things also helps the child or children when they interact with other people as they grow individually as well.

                Another important aspect of having father in the house, is they create a base-line for discipline in a household. As much as mothers can sometimes be discipliners, fathers are generally the typical discipliner of the household. As you will read later, my situation made it impossible to have a constant male discipliner in the household. Where neither I nor my siblings became horrible, out of control children and young adults, I have seen it happen multiple times in other families. Children who grow up in households that do not have that male discipliner most of the time become out of control children that leaks into adulthood. It is almost impossible to have the mother play both the nurturing and disciplining role without a father doing it as well and have the children come out without issues later one. A father is extremely important in this role in the household.

                Something that is not mentioned in the mainstream articles that I have chosen to talk about as my last point is the fact that men who are members of the church have the Priesthood. I never saw this as an important aspect to look at in my future until after I came to the church. Where there are amazing father throughout the world that are not members of the church, I have definitely seen a difference between them and those fathers who are members of the church. A huge part of being a worthy priesthood holder is being a good father, at least in my opinion it is. Having the priesthood holder in the household can bring stability to the everyday family. I know for a fact that a father who holds the priesthood plays a huge part in the lives of his children. An example of this is the fact that they can give blessings to their children, which not only helps the child with whatever the blessing is for, but it strengthens the bond between a man and his child. It truly is amazing how much of an impact a priesthood holder has on his children."

Another point that goes along with fatherhood is the fact that they are considered the providers of the household. Where I have been raised on the basis that both the husband and the wife works and provides for the home, but even on that I believe that the man's income should be the main income due to the fact that the mother may need to stay in the home when having children. Due to this fact, the man has a lot he needs to balance; his work, his wife, and his children. A man, no matter how he makes, will never have a strong relationship with his children or his wife if he spends all of his time working. This ties into everything I stated above from the paper I wrote. My stepfather worked all of the time and our family slowly feel apart. He now has almost no relationship with his children and mt brother and sister are left with that hole in their hearts where the love of their father was supposed to be. I see this in my generation as well as the generation that follow mine and frankly, it scares me what the future looks like. I can't emphasize enough how incredibly important a father is to his children and I really hope that role of fatherhood doesn't digress as it has been in the recent years.